They arrived at the crater that had once been the ornate and austere Orbonne Monastery and dismounted. Ramza assigned different pairs and trios to search specific areas around the Monastery, and then proceeded further into the crater itself. Rafa followed silently behind. Ramza reached the blast zone first and stopped to survey the area.
"I don’t see him," she said.
Ramza pressed his lips together. "I know. Neither do I."
Rafa came to stand beside him and placed a hand on his arm. He changed his dark gaze to her. "Perhaps he’s been here and gone."
He nodded absently, placing fists on hips as he looked toward the outer wall of the crater. The force of the blast had blown all rubble miles away. There was nothing. Nothing at all remained to hint at the building that had once stood there. "Perhaps."
Rafa took hold of his hand and gave it a firm squeeze. "Ramza, what would you have said to him had you found him here?"
"I don’t know." He looked down at her. "I wanted a chance to explain. Maybe I wanted to give him the chance." Ramza paused and then released a slow breath as he shook his head. He ran his free hand through his wind blown hair. "We were so much closer than friends, Rafa. We were brothers. I can never forget that, no matter what he’s done. He deserved time to explain."
Rafa studied his face for a long moment. "He deserved your forgiveness, you mean."
Ramza glanced toward her and then gave a brief nod. "Yes. Yes, he did, but it was more than that."
"You wanted his." His face seemed to twist with pain as he nodded yet again. Rafa’s grip tightened on his hand. "Ramza. Ramza, look at me." He turned to face her, and his eyes were dark with torment. She reached up and took a firm hold of his chin with her free hand. "You are not to blame for the choices he made."
Ramza took hold of her other hand and pulled it away. He squeezed it as he held her gaze. "I know, Rafa. Just like I know there was no way for me to keep Teta from dying, but I still feel responsible."
"Why?"
"I was sheltered and ignorant, wanting only the excitement of battle. Because of that, I became involved with a senseless civil war between noble and commoner. A war that tore Delita in two."
"When you learned the truth behind the war, you chose the proper side. That is all anyone can do."
Ramza nodded and looked away, releasing her hands. "I know, but I still feel partly to blame. I was not the friend he needed me to be."
"That’s not true."
Ramza stiffened and turned. Rafa did the same. Delita approached. His eyes haunted. His face haggard. Gone was the familiar gold armor; in its place was common squire’s garb and an oddly familiar iron blade at his hip. Ramza felt Rafa’s quick glance.
Delita knelt at a place near the center and touched the ground with a gloved hand. He glanced up at Ramza with a guarded _expression. "They told me you were dead. Fool that I was, I believed them." He stood and looked around the crater, hands on scabbard. "What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you." Ramza looked down at Rafa. "Rafa, go tell the others to start toward the city without me."
She hesitated a moment, sent Delita a curious _expression (which he received with a smirk), and then turned back to Ramza. "All right. I shall wait at the top for you."
He nodded and then watched her begin the long climb up to the crest. After several silent moments, he turned back to Delita. "I know you didn’t kill her."
Delita’s smile vanished and his eyes darkened with pain and anger. He lowered his gaze to the ground and clenched his hands tighter on the belt at his hips. "Not kill her? That’s the same as saying I was not responsible for Teta’s death. In the end, what does it matter? They are dead."
"Yes, and now you have to live with that. You have to live with the constant question ‘what if’. You have to live with their faces and eyes asking you why they’re dead. You have to live with the thought that you could have changed it. But what different choice could you have made to keep them alive?" Ramza fell silent when he noticed the dangerous gleam in his friend’s eyes.
A heavy silence settled over the two one-time friends. A silence filled with regrets, bitterness, and forgotten yesterdays. It weighed heavily on them both.
"I loved her, Ramza."
Ramza nodded. "I know."
"She didn’t want to be used anymore. She was going to kill herself… or me. It could have been either way. I don’t know. I don’t care." He turned to Ramza with a rage-filled _expression. "I took the knife from her, before she could hurt herself, and then–-. I loved her and she thought it was a game to me. A way to get the throne and power."
Delita gripped Ramza’s arms and shook him. "I pushed that knife into her, Ramza! Why did I do it? I’d brought flowers! I wanted us to be happy, but all I could hear were her accusations. All I could see was her face flamed with anger and mistrust. Her voice, so angry as she accused me of using her. Of not caring. Of only wanting power. She didn’t want to be used anymore. I couldn’t let her suffer…" Delita pushed him away and stared down at his hands with a horrified expression. "She died in my arms. My hands were covered with blood… hers, others, Teta’s… Why didn’t I stop it? I wanted to change the world. Make it better for people like me… They promised me…"
He dropped to his knees and began rubbing his palms into the soil, bringing fistfuls of the dirt up out of the ground to rub it between his hands like soap to a soiled cloth.
Delita stopped suddenly, pressing his palms into the charred earth as he took in deep, ragged breaths. Ramza knelt beside him and gripped his shoulder. "Delita, I am sorry that my ignorance led us to this end. I wish I could change it. I wish I could give you back your sister. I wish I could bring back our youth. I wish I could… I wish a lot of things, but it’s impossible. You know that."
"Yes," he whispered in a haggard voice.
"We’ve made choices, many of them bad ones, but they were ours just the same. What we do now is yet another choice to be made."
Delita looked up then, his eyes slowly focusing on the here and now instead of reliving his tortured yesterday. "The people believe I’m a hero of this war. They want to make me king."
Ramza smirked. "Then be a damn good king, Delita. We’ve learned a lot in this war. We’ve lost a lot as well. Put those lessons to good use. Be a damn good king. Put these people on the right path and lead them."
"Lead them like I was led? Like Ovelia was led to the slaughter?"
Ramza pulled Delita to his feet. "No. Lead them like my father led us." Delita’s eyes moved from his. "You loved him like your own, Delita, and I know he loved you. So remember what he taught us about honor and justice and use that."
Delita lowered his eyes to his gloves, and then he turned and walked away without another word. Ramza watched him until he’d disappeared from sight. Finally, he turned back the way he’d come. Yet another weight was off his shoulders. Off his soul. He looked up toward the crest of the crater and saw Rafa standing there, holding the reins of their chocobos as she waited for him.
"Are you all right?" she asked.
He took the reins from her. "Yes."
"And Delita?"
"That is his decision now." Rafa changed her gaze from him to the crater, and he examined her profile. "I believe he’ll be a good king, Rafa. He will have problems and make wrong choices, but he’ll be a humble king. One that hasn’t been pampered by wealth and pride."
She met his eyes. "Knowing that you are alive and watching will make a difference, I think. You will be a reminder to who he once was."
Ramza shook his head and gestured for her to walk away from the crest of the crater. He fell into step beside her. "I don’t want to be a reminder of anything, Rafa. I want him to be the king that he is and not one from guilt and regrets."
"Whether they are seen as regrets or experiences is a choice he must make, Ramza. He knows you are alive. He knows that you take an active interest in the well-being of these people. These are reminders he will use without knowing he does so."
Ramza gave absent nods as she spoke, and then he changed his eyes to meet hers. "Thank you, Rafa."
Her delicate eyebrows arched and her dark eyes twinkled with a smile. "Thank you? Why do you thank me, Ramza?"
Ramza looked away again. "I appreciate everyone’s honesty and patience. These past few days have been hard for me and for you." He faced her and stopped. "Most of all, though, I’ve appreciated your friendship with Alma and myself. When Delita… I had no one to call ‘brother’ or ‘friend’. With you and Malak…" He smiled. "With your advice and honesty it was as if I had another confidant."
She chuckled and gave a slight shake of her head as she began walking toward the others. "So my penchant for being involved in everyone’s business but my own has found an admirer. How lucky I am."
Ramza laughed. "I see that you actually do listen to your brother."
Rafa sent him a subtle smile. "While his attitude isn’t what I would like, he does have many occasions of brilliance. It is best for me to hear all he says."
"I doubt he gives you the same courtesy."
Rafa gave a slight, one-shouldered shrug. "I don’t mind."
Ramza examined her profile again. "You don’t mind many things, do you?"
Her smile twitched, but she continued to watch the ground as they walked. "To be bothered by life’s happenings detracts from the joy of living. Life is too short to not do our best and enjoy what we have been given."
Ramza looked away as his smile faded. "Yes. We’ve all lost loved ones, haven’t we?" He sighed and changed his gaze to the charred ground at his feet. "How selfish of me to believe I was the only one."
"Misery and despair can make us blind sometimes," she told him softly, "but when we open our hearts to others we begin to heal."
"And how do I do that?"
Rafa sent him a sidelong glance. "To open one’s heart can be difficult, I know. And it cannot be rushed or forced. When trust is there, you will know."
Ramza was silent for so long that Rafa looked over at him to examine his expression. Ramza took in a deep breath and released it slowly. "Some things are best kept within, Rafa."
"Faces of ugliness, evil, despair, shame… all these are powerless when faced in the midst of friendship, laughter, and love." Rafa stopped and reached out to take hold of his arm. "Ramza, masking these enable them to grow and fester within an already heavy heart."
"But you are my friends. You don’t need more ugliness in your life."
"And you do?" Rafa gave a slight pull to his arm and made him face her. "I am not afraid of what you hide within you, Ramza. Neither are the others. What we fear is the withering of a good heart should you continue to keep it close." She lowered her hand from his arm and continued to hold his gaze. "We worry for you, Ramza, your sister and I and all these you call friend."
He looked away. "I know."
Rafa’s lips melted into a subtle smile as she again reached out to touch his arm. "Try to release the faces to rest, Ramza. I’m sure your sister wishes for you to laugh again."
Ramza changed his eyes back to hers and then took her hand and helped her up onto the chocobo. She adjusted her seat and met his eyes again. "I’ll try, Rafa."