From the transport to the outskirts of Winhill was quite a hike. Especially since I couldn't shut up. I must've blabbed 200 stories about everyone in Balamb, the orphanage, and Garden by the time the first farm came into sight. Sally never complained. She laughed and giggled and "oh'd and "wow"d at all the right times. As usual, she made me feel like I outranked the President.
Any idea how girls do that, guys? Anyone?
So, the two of us headed into the main part of town. Stories came slower as I watched our surroundings and kept my tread light and ready. Sally hadn't had the chance to get my level of experience, magic, or junctioning GFs. We hadn't had a chance to share, either. To be honest, I didn't want her to have the experience.
You know what I mean?
Of course, both of us could kick butt without the help. And the critters around Winhill were nothing like the things in Ultimecia's castle, that was for damn sure. The only thing I worried about were the things I didn't know about. The people that Seifer worried about. The people that made Zack and Quis need to go under cover.
The people that made Sally and I come here in the first place.
I stepped closer to Sally as we passed through the farms on the outskirts of Winhill toward town. I pointed out the chocobo crossing, told a funny story, and then made sure she caught sight of the chocobo running in a far field. It made her face glow with a smile that burned me clear through.
Guys, are we this easy to impress all the time?
"So where do we set up the interviews? Or do you have to go door-to-door?"
"Yes," Sally told me with a smile.
I chuckled. "Both, huh. Go door-to-door to give interview appointment times?"
She nodded. "We can set up today, get settled, pass out the appointment times tomorrow, have the afternoon and evening to ourselves, interview day after, and then head home."
I halted, staring down at her in shock. Then I grinned. I couldn't help it. "You've got it all planned out, huh?"
She flushed and slightly nodded, lowering her head and eyes. "Guilty."
"How 'bout we stow our gear at wherever we're staying, I pass out the appointment times, and you set up. Then, we get the interviews down and the rest of--"
"We can't, Zell."
My smile vanished. "How come?"
"I have to go back to Garden as soon as the interviews are done."
"Ohhh. Gotcha." I grinned again as I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her again toward Winhill. "Okay, we'll do it your way."
Didn't I say she was smart?
She giggled and wrapped an arm around my waist. The best rush on the planet... 'cept kissing her, of course. Dude. Sally is a rush! And I still remembered the freakin' volcano when she'd kissed me the first time on the way to Balamb. What a head rush! I thought my brain would explode, and I'd never had that happen to me before. Ever. She musta froze any body function for at least five minutes... Okay, maybe it was less, but it sure as hell seemed like time stopped.
And when she told me she liked me? Duuuude. Guys, do ya get what I'm saying? Yeah. Thought so.
"...to stay?"
I blinked and looked over at her. She wore the sexiest expression of expectation. "Huh? Stay?" Okay, Dincht. Chill.
"While we're here. Should we both stay in different rooms? Or should we stay in different buildings?"
Sally's reputation's on the line here, Dincht. "Why don't you stay at Laguna and Raine's place. I'm sure he won't mind." I blinked. "Dude. I wonder if Ellone's here? That'd be cool."
"I heard Ellone is in Esthar with Laguna," Sally said as we headed into town.
"Oh. Bummer." But not too much of one. I didn't want to share Sally this 'weekend'.
We halted outside the inn - well, it was really the place Laguna had stayed while laid-up after his escape from Esthar - and I handed Sally her stuff.
"I'll come and get ya in a sec. Then we'll head on over to The Flower... The Pretty Flower..." I rubbed my scalp as I looked at my feet. "What was it called again?"
I heard a soft giggle and raised my eyes to meet Sally's. Her smile shot any thoughts clear out of my head. I grinned.
"I know where you mean," she told me.
I continued to smile at her, and she flushed. Dincht! Talk! "Cool. Nice place. Good grub." I chucked her under the chin. "Pick up the pace, Meg. I'm starved."
She adjusted her hold on the shoulder strap with another bright smile and turned for Laguna's place. I watched her go, grinning when she looked over at me just before stepping inside. Dude... And what else could I say? Sally Regal was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I didn't remember ever thinking that about anything. 'Cept for when we'd made it through the battle against Ultimecia with our hides intact.
I released a deep breath, grabbed my duffel, and went inside.
It was a nice place, and I think it was actually Ellone's old home. Nobody had lived in it for a long time, probably because Ellone's parents had been killed here, but Laguna had fixed it up anyway.
I made my way up the stairs and thwumped my duffel onto the bed. Then I unpacked and changed into a pair of shorts and a different T-shirt. Walks as long as what we'd done kind of made a person sweaty. Sure Sally liked how I smelled but, dude, it was pretty rank.
I looked around the second floor as I put my shoes back on. Yeah. It was a nice place. And that got me to planning.
"Zell?"
I finished my final shoe and hurried downstairs. Sally waited at the foot dressed in a lightweight thing that came to just below her knees and had no sleeves. It must've shown off every good thing about her body.
"Girl, you look awesome!"
Sally flushed and looked down, smoothing the front of the dress. "Thank you. My mom made it."
Thank you, Mom! I took her hand in mine and led her outside. When I heard a flip-flop-flip-flop I looked down and saw she wore sandals that showed off her cute feet. I smiled, grinning when she interlaced her fingers with mine. Booya!
Dincht. You've gotta. You know it.
I looked this way and that, caught sight of a shadowed section past the houses, and pulled Sally toward it.
"Zell Dincht, don't you dare..." she pleaded in a hushed tone.
I pulled her past a large woodshed and stepped behind it, drawing her into my arms with what I hoped was my most charming expression. "Please?"
Her expression softened to an incredible smile as she adjusted her arms around me. "Oh alright."
Ohhh maaannn... Kissing Sally was like... Dude. It was like kissing a flower petal and a flame at the same time, and that was how I'd become a junkie. You know--? What am I saying? Of course you do. Everyone's got a 'Sally'. Only one problem with being a Mega Phoenix Junkie: sometimes I forget she's shy and go a little further than I should.
This time, Sally did it first. Kinda like I did at the Tomb... but with a little more tongue.
A firecracker went off in my head, and I pulled back. Sally flushed red and lowered her eyes and her head. I swallowed hard.
"S-Sorry," she whispered.
Ookaaayy. I think I've OD'd... "Sorry?" I cleared my throat. Chill, Dincht. "For what?"
She peeked at me from under her lashes. Chill...
"I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have done that." She peeked again. "Should I?"
Duuude. I smiled and kissed her forehead. Then I tipped her head up and kissed her nose and her lips, twice, before pulling her into a tight hug. "You're fine, kitten." I chuckled. "Confession. 'Bout ready to do it myself."
She giggled and snuggled.
Booya... I released a slow breath. "Girl, do you have any idea how crazy I am 'bout you?"
"Not as crazy as I am about you," she said softly.
Now come on, guys. You've gotta admit that hearing that from a girl makes us feel about 15 feet tall. Who cares if it's mushy or sappy, or whatever the hell we call it? I mean, we'd been dating for about 4 months and it felt like I'd known her forever. What the hell was I thinkin' about when I didn't see her around? I mean... Damn! Five years she'd known about me, three of those spent finding out everything about me, and I didn't even know she existed... well, except for the Mega Phoenix potion she gave me... Say. You always remembered her face when you'd pull that bottle out looking for something else. I'd just been a little busy to do anything about it.
Or just dense.
I laughed.
Sally looked up at me with a smile that coulda made me blind-- Okay. That was a little too much. Sorry.
"What?" she asked softly.
"Nothing. Just tryin' to figure out why I didn't fall in love with ya three years ago."
She flushed my favorite shade of red. "You couldn't, Zell. I was hiding. Remember?"
"Nah. You gave me that potion. I coulda done something."
Sally wrinkled her nose at me. "You were a little busy saving our planet, sweetie."
I lifted a hand to brush some hair behind her ear. "Yeah. I guess I was, huh." I cupped her cheek and caressed it with my thumb. "I'm glad I did." My lips twitched as I held her gaze, and then the smile slowly vanished. "Man."
"What?" she whispered.
"I really love you, Sally." And any guy who says it's not tough to say that is screwed in the head. It takes guts to admit something like that, and boy is it a rush!
Those awesome eyes glimmered, grabbing every single bit of feeling and lodging it in my throat as I looked down at her.
"I really love you, too, Zell," she said in a teary voice. "So much it hurts."
I kissed her forehead and then gently pushed her back to take her hand in mine. "Come on, kitten. Let's go have some lunch and then do some sight-seeing." Yeah. Otherwise I'll ask before I'm ready.
» § «
"I'm gonna go get some air, Meg." Sally looked up from her handheld and the notepad on the table as I gestured to the door. "I'll just be out front; let me know when you're ready to head out with those appointment times."
"Okay, Zell." And she immediately went back to work.
I closed the door behind me and then pulled my phone from its holster to search through the phone book in its memory. I hit the call button as I stepped away from the building and into the square.
Yesterday Sally and I must've walked around the entire town and everything near it twice. She showed me where they were thinking of building the Garden and then nonchalantly showed me where the questionable characters lived. We saw more chocobos - didn't make it to the farm - walked through the flower fields, and I found out that Sally absolutely loved the little town.
We conversed some with the locals, exchanged war stories, and invited several of the people to stop in at Laguna's place for a cold one while we were here. A couple of the locals had taken us up on the offer that evening. Not many today, though.
Good thing. I wanted to get Sally to the chocobo farm today--
"Yo, Laguna. 'Sup?"
"Zell Dincht! How's it going over in Balamb?"
"Great! Really hopping. You and Ellone should come and say 'hi'."
"I wish we could, Zell, but things have gotten a little tense over here recently. Rumors and things, you know."
"Dude. That sucks." I moved the phone to my other ear.
"Yes, well, unfortunately it comes with the job. But the good part of my job is I get to make proposals that'll help. For instance, a Garden in Winhill."
"Yeah. I know. We're here checkin' it out right now."
"Oh really? Wow. And here I didn't think the Network took my proposal seriously. Zell, do you mind letting me know what you find? I'm serious as all get out"
"No doubt."
"I'd appreciate it."
I smirked. "Hey, sure. Just call me. I'll let you know what I can."
"I owe you, Zell. Just name it."
Booya! "Actually, I kinda wanted to ask about your house here."
"House? In Winhill? The two-story just to the left of the bridge into the square?"
"Yeah. That's the one."
"What'd you need to know? Anything wrong?"
"Well..." I rubbed the back of my neck. "I was kinda lookin' at buying it."
"What?" Laguna chuckled. "Aren't you a little young for real estate?"
"I'm serious, dude. Really." Young? I'm twenty-two!
"Hm. To be honest, I hadn't thought about selling it. Never crossed my mind."
"Oh." Damn. "Well, just let me know when you do. Though I guess I could make an offer anyway."
"An offer? You're kidding, right?"
I smiled. "Seriously. I've been saving for a while."
"For a house?"
I laughed. "I didn't know I was gonna buy a house, but you never know when you need some quick cash."
Laguna laughed. "Isn't that the truth, and I had to learn the hard way. ... Tell you what, Zell. I'll seriously think about it and let you know."
"Sure. That'd be great--"
"Zell?"
I looked over my shoulder. Sally headed down the steps of the porch. "Yeah!" I focused back into the phone as Sally approached. "I'll e-mail you."
"And I'll talk to Ellone about the house, too."
"Thanks. Later."
I terminated the call and smiled as I faced Sally. We both wore our SeeD uniforms for the job of passing out the appointment time-schedules.
"Ready?" I asked.
She nodded and released a deep breath. "Yep. Let's get this over with."
I chuckled. "I still can't believe you volunteered for this just so I could come over here."
Sally took hold of my hand. "You would have done the same for me," she reminded softly.
Damn straight! "I guess," I told her with a sidelong glance.
She only smiled and continued looking at the ground at her feet.
Okay, okay. So I woulda done it in a second. I couldn't let her think she had me wrapped, could I?-- Okay, so maybe that isn't such a bad place to be.
"Okay," I finally said, "so I would."
Sally giggled. "You're so silly."
Not even gonna go there. "So, are you gonna want me to be the strong, silent type? Or do you want me to grunt meaningfully?"
Sally laughed - Booya! - and then she nudged at me with her shoulder. "Strong, silent type will be fine, sir. Then, if they threaten bodily harm, you can grunt meaningfully."
"Any bashing of heads?"
She shook her head, smiling brightly. "No. We want them to come to the appointments."
I snapped my fingers. "Right."
And we were coming up on the first house. Sally freed her hand from mine and pulled her handheld from its case on her belt. She checked some information and then tucked it away again. Then she intertwined her fingers with mine and sent me a smile. Booya!
I returned it. "Not this house?"
Sally shook her head. "Nope." She moved her focus to the road ahead.
I watched her profile as she stared straight in front of us. "What should I expect?" I asked, and I couldn't help sounding serious.
Sally lowered her gaze to the road. "Not really sure," she admitted softly. "The first gentleman to get an appointment card is a veteran of the Sorceress War. Demolition Expert. He has a spotless war record, commendations, medals... but Seifer says something doesn't feel right."
I kept watching her face. "He give you any details?"
"Not really. He just wants me to ask a lot of questions about his time with the service, paying a lot of attention to detail and repeating details wrong later in the interview."
I nodded. "Got it." I moved my focus ahead and narrowed my eyes against the glare. "The next one?"
"Surveyor who had to quit due to his wife's sudden illness."
"Okay, so we check up on just how sick she is. Got it." I looked again to Sally. "Next?"
"A foreman who spends too much time drinking," she said sadly. "Lost two brothers and a niece to the Galbadian Army."
I swore. He was the only guy I'd excuse for hating the military enough to sabotage Garden. I wouldn't let him do it, if he tried it, but I could definitely understand his reason for it.
Sally sent me a sidelong glance.
I intercepted it with a 'Don't sweat it' smile. "Anybody else?"
"A couple of landowners that own property near the acreage we want to buy for the Garden."
I nodded. "Okay. Let's get this over with so we can go play."
Sally smiled.
» § «
"There's a white one!" Sally exclaimed brightly.
I looked over my shoulder in time to see the white chocobo dive into a nearby grove. I smiled and moved my gaze back to her. She continued to stare in the direction the chocobo had disappeared. I gave a slight shake of my head and pulled some of the containers from the picnic basket. After a little bit, Sally sat back on her heels and helped set up the picnic plates and glasses.
"I've never seen so many chocobos before. They're so cute."
"Yeah, but they're a pain in the ass to catch and ride. That's why we're going to the farm to ride a tamed one."
Sally sent me a look from under her lashes. "I'd rather just hang out here, Zell. If you don't mind?" she said softly.
I handed her a bottle of soda. "Sure. No problem." Hell no it's not a problem!
Sally rested her hands on her legs and released a deep breath as she looked around. "Zell, I really want them to build a Garden here. The people are nice, and it's so pretty..." She met my gaze. "I love it here."
I smiled. "Yeah. It's cool, huh?" Sweet!
"And you wouldn't mind moving, would you?" Sally asked, hesitant.
I changed my focus to the plates and containers, absently moving food onto our plates. "'Course not. I want to travel around. Remember?" What am I gonna do if Laguna doesn't sell the house? "And I've liked this place from the first." Dude. Maybe I can get a house built.
Sally moved her gaze to her small sandwich. "It'll be strange living so far from home, though," she admitted softly.
My hands paused as dread punched me full-force in the stomach. I slowly lifted my eyes to watch her face. She didn't look sad, but she definitely thought hard about something.
Then she lifted her eyes to meet mine. "Zell, was it hard being away from Ma? When you and the others were doing all the fighting?"
"Well, yeah, sure. Being away from family's always rough. But I had my friends. And my family was the whole reason I kept at it."
Sally slightly nodded as she again lowered her eyes to a scrutiny of her untouched food. I rubbed at the back of my neck as I watched her. This was always what got me. I mean, I knew how close she and her folks were, and I felt like scum taking her away from them. But... Damn.
"Hey, Sally."
Sally lifted her eyes and smiled. I'm sorry, guys, but it was sweetness itself. "Hmm?"
I released a slow breath. "Kitten, you don't have to do it just for me." I'll just think of something else.
Her smile didn't fade from her eyes as she picked up a sandwich half and took a bite. "Do what?" she asked, with her mouth full, I might add.
"Winhill. Doing the security thing and stuff." I can always take the job at Combat King.
Sally swallowed her bite. "I know, but I want to." She offered me the other half of her sandwich.
I took it. "What about your folks?"
Sally's eyes widened, and she paused right as she was about to take another bite. "You don't think they'll want me to do it?"
Okay... Now I'm confused. "Of course they'll want you to do it. It's a great step up." I pointed at her. "I was just thinkin' you didn't want to move so far from your folks."
Sally smiled again. "I don't, not really, but it'll be good for me. Dad's always saying I need to get more independent. And Zack's always giving me a hard time about 'cut the apron strings'."
And her impression of Zack had me howling with laughter.
Sally moved to lay on her stomach, feet crossed at the ankles as they dangled in the air. She couldn't look any sexier. "It'll be great fun," she finished.
And I'd have her all to myself - Booya! - Well, almost.
I copied her position and gave her a slight kiss on the nose. "Cool."
Sally's eyes twinkled as she fed me a grape. "You thought I wouldn't want to come? Zell, this place is awesome. I'd be crazy to not want to live here."
"Hey. It's tough leaving home. Believe me. I know." I hadn't really moved out. I mean, all my stuff was still there, and I only lived 30 minutes walking distance! It sounded pretty pathetic.
She plucked the green from a berry and then dipped it in whipped cream before nibbling on the end. "I appreciate the thought," she said softly, eyes focused on the berry.
And somehow she hadn't gotten all the cream from her upper lip. I smirked and resisted the urge to do a little excavating. "Sure thing, Sally."
She finished the berry and gathered another. The speck of sweetness seemed to call my name...
"You don't suppose Commander Squall will really give you the commander position here, will he?"
Focus, Dincht! "Depends. If it's just gonna be a security post, we'll be a glorified security team. If there's plans to build an actual Garden, then yeah. We'll need to fully staff it." Whipped cream... Dincht! "I already told him I'm interested."
"I wonder who else he's considering?"
"Quistis maybe? She'd be good." Did it get bigger?
Sally offered another grape. "You're right. She would. It'd be hard for her and Zack to meet then... Oh well. I guess it's not my problem."
"Yeah..."
I couldn't resist any more. I leaned in and kissed the whipped cream from her lip... berries... and then slowly pulled back. I smiled. So did she. "Yum."
Sally giggled, her cheeks flushing as she lowered her gaze.
Email... Laguna... House. I touched Sally under the chin and sent her a wink. Birthdays were awesome.
And that's all I could think and talk about on the picnic for the rest of the afternoon. Her birthday party. We got it all worked out, too. We'd have it at the hotel in Balamb. They'd cater a bunch of different kinds of food - she promised me special hot dogs! - and they'd also do the music - I'd choose the songs. Both our folks would be invited, and so would Sally's friends - and I noticed there weren't very many - as well as a lot of mine. I guess we liked the same people. Then, at the end... Surprise. heheheheheh
When the stars began to come out we headed for-- Winhill. It was weird. I nearly called it 'home'. We held hands and just listened to each other breathing. I hadn't really ever done it before. It's pretty cool. Couldn't tell you why, but it is.
Then, after I walked her to the doorstep of Raine and Laguna's place... Well... I kinda did something Ma woulda popped me for. Instead of just keeping it safe and giving her a simple peck on the cheek, I kissed her full on the mouth. And after the picnic and the party-plans and the secret she didn't know... Well... 'Booya!' would have been an understatement.
Sally went along with it, too. 'Course, at first 'it' was pretty harmless. Just exchanging kisses and laughing against each other's lips because it tickled or something stupid-sounding like that...
Next thing I knew, we weren't giggling anymore and I was getting ready to break every single wall and rule I'd ever made when dealing with kissing Sally. And I used the same bat to break all the alarms going off in my head. All I could think about was how to open the door without breaking full, bodily contact.
Sally pulled back enough to whisper something, but... well... Dude! I know, I know. 'Zell, you dog.' But I couldn't help myself. She's hot, and a sweetie, and intense, and-- Booya! I was kissing Sally the way I'd been wanting to kiss her for months!
"Zell... no..."
And that word made it all go away, especially how she said it.
I stepped back, nearly tripping over my feet as I did. All I could do was blink down at her.
Sally cleared her throat and looked down, straightening her T-shirt and light-blue jeans with trembling fingers and hands as her cheeks flushed red. I scrubbed at my scalp and neck so hard it stung. For the first time in my life, I... I was... horrified!
"Sally... Oh Hyne. I am so sorry."
Sally nodded with a whispered "I know" before raising her eyes to meet mine. She smiled, but it didn't make me feel any less the slime. "I'm not mad."
But I was. I was pissed. "I'll... uh..." I cleared my throat and rubbed again at my scalp. Then I gestured over my shoulder. "I'll... I'll go that way."
I turned and strode off the porch and down the steps toward my temporary home, rubbing at my face and my scalp and neck and swearing up a blue streak. I mean... Damn! If she hadn't said 'no', what were you planning on doing, Dincht? I thought you were gonna wait!
"Zell?"
I heard quick footsteps and turned to see Sally hurrying toward me. I took a step backward before I could even stop myself. Sally noticed and froze in her tracks. The surprise and then uncertainty I saw on her face twisted the dagger the other direction.
"Zell..." She intensely examined my face. "Sweetie, are you okay?"
I swallowed hard and then cleared my throat. I reached out, palms outward, and made a type of 'pushing' gesture. "I... uh..." I cleared my throat again. "I just need a little space."
"Okay," she said softly, wringing her hands in front of her.
And the fact that she looked about to cry didn't make me feel any better. "It's not you, kitten," I said as I rubbed the back of my neck. I didn't meet her gaze. "I just... I mean... I don't really trust myself right now, so I need to just stay right... here."
"But you stopped when I said 'no'," Sally said.
I nodded, my eyes staring at a rock. But I definitely knew she was there. "I know, Sally, but..." I cleared the emotion out of my throat as I gestured behind her to the house. "What happened... there? That was because I lost control. I broke... I broke every rule I've ever made." I glanced up, but the look in her eyes made me look very quickly down again. "And that was because you were close-- Not a bad thing!" I added quickly. "It's just... I just don't want to hurt you that way. And if you're close... well... I might do it again."
"You stopped," Sally pressed.
I'd never had to fight against myself so hard before. I mean, she sounded about to cry, and she really wanted to try and make me feel better, but the longer she stood there across from me looking so damned cute...
"Sally, I can't really..." I released a deep breath and forced myself to look at her. Hardest thing I'd ever done and not pull her into a hug. "Sally, I can see you don't get what the problem is, so... can we just call it a night? I'll... I need to get some space and work out a little and stuff, so... we'll talk about it tomorrow. Okay? Sally?"
Her lower lip trembled, and I nearly did myself in right there on the spot.
"Okay." And to my horror, she sniffed. "Good night, sweetie. See you in the morning."
Sally turned and slowly stepped back toward the porch again, turning long enough at the door of the house to give me a look that nearly had me running after her. Then she closed the door and I could loosen my balled fists a little. I cleared my throat and rubbed at the back of my neck as I stepped toward my temporary home. Cold shower-- No. Punching bag, jog around Winhill, full-body work-out, then a cold shower...
But the cold shower didn't cut it. Especially not when I kept thinking I heard her crying in the house next door. I kept telling myself she wasn't, but remembering the look on her face... No, I couldn't convince myself at all. But I knew I couldn't go over and ask; I'd be signing my own death papers. So I just worked out some more, took another shower, and then laid in bed still as wide-awake at three as I had been at midnight or at ten. I tried everything; push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups... I kept seeing the whole damned scene - in Technicolor with a close-up on her tears.
The next morning I wasn't so sure I was ready to go help her set up for the interviews, but I bit the bullet and walked over anyway. One look at her face and I could tell she'd slept about as good as me. We both kept our distance, too. I figured she did it because of what I said last night, and that made me pissed at myself all over again. But I knew talking about it wouldn't have done any good. I figured we'd talk at dinner that night. Until then, I wasn't going to think about it.
It went like that through the whole day, with me being silent and distant through almost all the interviews. Just standing there with a scowl that I'm sure made 'em all nervous.
Now, sitting across from Sally at a decked-out table in the hotel of Winhill... I still had no idea how to talk to her about what had happened. Neither did she. I could tell. Why? Because it was the first time both of us stayed quiet and looked damned uncomfortable.
Oh hell. "Sally," I began as I looked up. She peeked up at me. How the hell am I-- "Sally, I don't... I mean... How do..." I released a quick breath and slumped both arms onto the table. I scrubbed at my scalp. "Sally, I'm sorry about last night. I don't know what I was thinking. Hell. I wasn't thinking."
Sally looked up and reached across the table to grip my arms. "Zell, I don't know why you're so... I... You stopped. I said 'no' and you stopped. Why... I... I don't know why you're so mad at yourself."
"Because how many times did you have to say 'no' before I actually heard you?" I leaned back in the chair, pulling my arms from her hold and crossing them tightly against my chest. I scowled at my water glass.
"But I don't care about that," she persisted. "It doesn't matter anyway."
I leaned forward again, so quick she blinked and leaned a little away. "Yes it does, Sally. I was all set, fired, and ready to go a lot further than--" She flushed and lowered her gaze. I clenched my jaw. Then I leaned back and looked away, adjusting my crossed arms to keep from... from doing something - who knows what. "We're not ready for that, Sally," I said quietly. "No way. Nothing doin'. You wanna wait. I wanna wait. We're waiting."
I tensed when I heard her sniff, but I kept myself from looking over at her.
"This is all my fault," she whispered.
My gaze snapped over to her so fast I thought they'd fall out of my head. "No, it isn't, Sally!" I leaned forward, grabbing her hands to try and... and... and I don't know! Make her feel better somehow. "If I had any brains at all I woulda seen about having one of the seniors of my class come with as a training exercise. But no. I had to be a horn-dog and make sure I got you to myself--"
She looked up. Tears... Oh Hyne. "Zell, I'm the one that suggested the trip, knowing Seifer would ask for security. Sure, I rationalized the separate houses to make it all look nice and safe, but I knew what could happen. I knew what could happen," she whispered.
And then she pulled her hands from mine, stood, and rushed out of the inn. Dammit! I stood so fast the chair musta shot across the room, and then I was across the room and out the door bellowing "Sally! Sally, wait!" But she didn't. She kept on, stumbling down the stairs and down the path toward town even though she probably couldn't see a blasted thing. I swore a blue streak and hurried after her, catching her by the hand a few steps down the road.
She tried to pull her hand free, but I didn't want to risk her running again. Sally's lip and chin trembled as she choked and cried. Dammit, Dincht! You're an ass! "Sally..."
"Zell," she choked out. And she finally met my gaze. "Zell, I...I don't like the... the fact you're... you're blaming your... yourself," she struggled out between teary hiccups. "I don't... don't care that you... you nearly did what... what you did." She wiped the tears from her cheeks and sniffed several times. "You... you stopped when I... I wouldn't have."
I blinked and leaned slightly back. "Huh?" I leaned forward again. "But you said 'no'."
She nodded. "I know I... I did." She sniffed some more. "But I wouldn't... wouldn't have said it... said it again. If you... If you hadn't stepped back..." Sally pulled her hand from mine and covered her face.
I stared at her - at my shy little Sally - and then stretched out both hands. "Sally, if you love me as much as you say you do, this's gonna happen a lot. Dude! Do you think we'd be normal if we didn't want to just make out all the time? Hell no!"
"But we both decided," she choked out, blinking back the tears.
"But what does that mean, anyway? It doesn't make us not feel anything. It just means we're gonna do our best to hold out. We did. So you feel like you started the whole thing; it takes two, you know. I knew what I was doing when I kissed you. I could feel the guilt kick me in the gut the minute I did." I took her hand and tilted her chin up. "But you said 'no'. Who cares if you didn't really want me to stop. You still said it because we'd decided. And I stopped because you said it. And you gave me the space because I asked."
Sally choked on a sob that musta twisted my heart clear in half, and then she pulled me into a tight hug. Who woulda known that the conversation would turn from me begging for forgiveness to me making her feel okay for wanting me? I smirked and held her tight. Dincht, do you have any idea how hard Irvine would laugh his ass off if he found out you passed on sex? 'Course, I didn't really 'pass'. I just took a raincheck... Actually, it was probably more like... more like an investment. And, boy, was it gainin' interest!
Booya!
I rubbed Sally's back before pulling slightly back. She brought her hands up to wipe the tears away and then looked up. I smiled. "Come on, shy girl. Let's go get some dinner. I don't know about you, but I'm starved. I haven't eaten much all day. Too busy beating myself up about last night."
Sally lowered her gaze and slightly nodded. "Me, too."
"Guilt doesn't taste too good, huh?" She smiled and giggled, meeting my gaze again. There she is. I released a quick breath and wiped more tear-trails from her cheeks. "Sally, don't beat yourself up about this. Okay? It's normal. Promise. Just ask Squall or Rinoa. Or Zack even. They'll tell ya. We're just gonna have to be a little more careful, I guess." I kissed her forehead. "Me especially." I took her hand and led her back toward the inn. "Now come on. Let's go talk about those interviews that I didn't really pay attention to. Seifer'll be pissed if we come back without a good report."
Sally squeezed my hand several times and finally whispered, "I love you so much, Zell Dincht."
She looked over and caught my gaze, her chocolate-brown eyes shining like... My throat tightened, and I don't think I'd ever felt that before. I mean, I'd come this close to losing everything I'd ever wanted and never had. The battles with Ultimecia were nothing compared to the thought of never hearing Sally giggle again. And for her to never trust me again? Hell no, I wasn't going to let it happen. I was going to try damn hard.
I swallowed hard. "I love you, too, Sally."