Janine reloaded her gunblade, pausing the action long enough to wipe the sweat and blood from her face with her arm. Her white tank-tee and Balamb-Blue sweats were wet with the same; her arms and legs showed cuts, welts, and bruises.
She clicked the cylinder back in place and rotated her shoulder, wiping still more sweat from her face before striding farther into the Training Center. 'I gave the order.' Janine clenched her jaw, absently noticed a rustle of leaves to her right, and slashed the grat before it had a chance to realize it had offended.
Janine kicked the limp carcass aside and again moved forward. Rage flared and boiled. She didn't understand why he had told her. From his expression he had known what her reaction would be. Known that she would be mad as hell. Dammit!
'Mad' didn't cut it. 'Pissed' didn't cover it.
Janine felt the reverberation of the crash and halted, readying her stance and adjusting her hold on the haft of her gunblade. The ground shook and the vibration of the snapping trees warned of its coming... The culmination of her rage. The embodiment of her desire for revenge.
T-Rexaur broke through the line of trees as Janine glared up at him. Fighting back the hate for a man she had come to desire more deeply than anything. Choking on the need to forgi-- Janine pushed it away, her glare deepening as the T-Rexaur lowered its head and bared its teeth.
She curtly lifted her chin. "Bring it."
Janine felt the doctor's examination of her profile as she tightened the bandage around Janine's ribcage. But Janine didn't move her glare from the opposite wall.
"So why are you trying to kill yourself, Janine? One-on-one with a T-Rexaur?" Dr. Kadowaki shook her head and fastened the bandage firmly in place. "Not smart. And I know you're not like that."
Janine took up her stained white tank-tee and slipped it on over her head, adjusting it over the bandage. "Forget it." She slipped off the examination bed, taking up her gunblade as she moved toward the exit to shove through the doors.
She strode down the side-hall and then made her way down the main corridor toward the Training Center. 'What would you say if I gave you the opportunity to speak to the one responsible for the Galbadian missile attack on Trabia?' Janine clenched her jaw as she adjusted her hold on her gunblade. Her burn itched with the memory of his touch, trying to soothe a pain he had caused. Bastard! Screw off!
Janine turned sharply down the side-hall of the Training Center, stalking past the exiting candidates just released from class and slamming past the metal doors to the greenery beyond.
"Yo, Janine! 'Sup?" She didn't respond. "Janine! Hold up!"
Janine halted, turning on Zell with flashing eyes as he approached. He stopped and leaned away from her, hands raised. "What do you want?" she hissed.
"Nothing," he assured quickly.
"Then leave me alone."
"Sure. Sure," Zell said, backing off.
Janine again stalked deeper into the Training Center. 'I gave the order.' Janine choked back the tightness in her throat. Why did you tell me?... Why didn't you tell me? It was a secret he shouldn't have told. A secret he had to tell. A secret that shouldn't have existed. A secret that made him who he was.
"Damn it," she choked out.
tap-tap-tap "Hey Seifer?" Zell peeked his head around the office door.
Seifer raised his unseeing gaze from the reports on his desk, one hand still clutching a small bit of technology. "What."
Zell came the rest of the way in and closed the door after him. "Gotta sec?"
"What."
Zell lowered himself into the chair across from Seifer's desk. "What's up with you and Janine?"
Seifer's hand tightened around the assist the same moment his jaw clenched as he held Zell's gaze. "What do you mean?"
Zell momentarily frowned. Then he leaned forward and pointed at Seifer, expression serious. "You can play 'dumb' all you want," Zell pointed to himself, "but I know what I saw, and it wasn't no simple H.O.S. new-Instructor beat-down. You and Janine were tight; like Fujin only different." He pointed at Seifer again. "So if you want to be an asshole and deny anything's been screwed to hell; go ahead. I still want to know what happened so I can keep Janine from bashing her brains in at the T.C."
Seifer's mind focused. "What?"
Zell slightly nodded. "Yeah. She's in the T.C. wailing on as many T-Rexaurs and whatever hell other things have been put in there as she can; by herself."
Seifer stood and went around the desk, but Zell stepped in front of him and kept him back. Seifer's gaze hardened as he looked down at the scrapper. "Step off."
"I'll step off and go with you as soon as you tell me what's going on."
Seifer reached out to push Zell away. "None of your damned business."
"I'm making it my business," Zell pressed, pushing Seifer's hand away and again stepping between Seifer and the door. "You're an ass and Janine can be a bitch, but you're still SeeD. When SeeDs are having shit thrown at them, others go help. So that's what I'm doing."
Murder flashed in Seifer's gaze, but Zell didn't back off. "You want to help, Dincht? You want to help?" He grabbed Zell up by the front of his shirt. "Give me a way to take back an order," he hissed. "Tell me how the hell to make her forget that I killed her best friend!"
"What?"
"Janine was at Trabia, and now she knows what I did. She knows that I gave the order!" Seifer pushed Zell back. "I don't need your help, Dincht! Now back off!"
Zell did, eyes slightly wide as he lifted his hands in the air. "OK. Sure."
Seifer slammed from the office, hand still clutching the assists.
Janine leaned against a tree, right arm so exhausted she could barely lift the gunblade. She wiped the sweat and blood from her face with her arm before adjusting the leather gloves on her hands. Her muscles ached. Her vision was blurred. Dizziness made it difficult to walk...
She pushed herself from the tree and staggered forward, wiping more sweat and blood and tears from her face. 'I gave the order.' And she saw Jennifer's broken and bloody body. 'I gave the order.' And she saw the dozens of graves of fellow SeeDs. 'I gave the order.'
Janine choked on a sob, again wondering why the bastard held the position of H.O.S. when he had murdered so many. Again wondering why Selphie hadn't already beat his ass to shreds. Again wondering why Sally had said 'He's not a bad guy. He just has a hard job.' He had murdered SeeD. He had turned against Garden.
Janine stumbled and fell to her knees. "Damn it..." She pushed the bladetip of her gunblade into the ground and used it to push herself to her feet. "That all you got?" She glared at the greenery around her. "Bring it! I'll take you all!"
A firm grip on her arm turned her around. She glared into the emerald gaze of the one man she didn't-- She wrenched her arm free. "Don't touch me!" She staggered backward. "What was it like, soldier? Giving the order to murder SeeDs. Give you power? Give you a rush?" She forced her aching and exhausted muscles to raise her gunblade. "Bring it. I'll give you a rush you won't soon forget."
Seifer just stood there, arms at his sides.
Janine sneered. "All talk and no action." She spat and then lowered the gunblade until its tip touched the ground. She clenched her jaw to keep from leaning her weight against it. "How do you sleep at night, asshole? Huh? How do you sleep with their voices screaming in your mind? Screaming for revenge. Screaming in pain as their half-burned bodies still smolder--"
Janine's voice choked off, and Seifer's face paled.
Janine nodded several times as she swallowed the tears back. "Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought. Easier to do it from miles away. Blast them to hell and all you've got to do is give the order." She staggered up to him and said "Don't sleep too heavy, babe. I'll gut your ass the first chance I get." before pushing roughly past him, gunblade tip still dragging on the ground.
The lights flickered. Janine cringed as she forced her stiff and aching body to sit up. "Yeah."
The door opened to reveal Selphie. "Hiya, Janine."
Selphie came in the rest of the way, Sally on her heels. Both were dressed in jeans and sweatshirts.
"Wow," Selphie said. "You look like crap. What happened?" Sally gave Selphie a push and a meaningful look, to which Selphie said "What?"
Janine would normally have found the situation amusing. "What do you girls need?"
"I thought you said she asked you to go?" Selphie asked Sally.
Janine cringed as her muscles began to twitch. "I asked who to go where?"
Sally wrung her hands. "I... I thought we were going... going shopping this weekend."
Janine would have slapped her forehead but for the pain. "Sorry, Sal gal. Forgot."
"Now that we've reminded you..." Selphie turned for one of the dressers in Janine's room and started searching through the drawers.
"Selphie..." Sally hissed. "What are you doing?"
"Getting her her clothes," Selphie said, matter of fact.
Sally looked about to protest again. "Sal." Sally looked over at Janine with a flushed face. "It's OK. Shopping might be just what I need."
"Oh. OK."
Janine carefully pushed herself to her feet, grunting and cringing with the pain of the effort as Sally watched in concern. "I'm fine, Sal gal." Janine motioned to the left side drawer of her desk. "Can you get me the pain-killers in the red bottle? Thanks."
Sally gathered the pills as Selphie turned with a pair of black jeans and a Balamb-Blue t-shirt. "Here you go," she said, smiling.
Janine changed, putting on her secondary pair of assists before accepting the pain-killers and the glass of water from Sally. Janine tossed a couple back, finished the water, and then said "Alright, girls. Let's go." as she ushered them out of her room.
They set out toward the parking lot, Selphie directing the conversation to possible places to visit in Deling in order to find the perfect dress for the birthday evening the following month. Janine noticed that Sally only listened half-hearted while sending occasional glances Janine's direction. Don't ask, Sal gal. You're liable to get an ear full. Especially since Janine couldn't understand why Seifer had been accepted back into Garden.
He should have been court-martialed.
He should have been executed.
Selphie ushered the girls into the car, designating herself as the driver, and then set off toward Balamb and the train station. Sally kept watching Janine, even from the back seat. Selphie only continued to chatter about classes, final exams, and some of the funnier essays she'd had to correct that week.
I found the killer of my best friend, Janine wanted to say. And I found it's the same person who blew our Garden to hell, Selphie. Only, he's your H.O.S. and you act like he hasn't done a damned thing! Janine clenched her jaw and fisted her hands as she glared out the window. Maybe they didn't know. Maybe she had been the first one he'd told. Maybe it was a true 'secret'.
I'll make damn sure it's told. And I'll screw your life as much as you screwed mine.
The trio arrived in Balamb. Selphie parked the car and they headed toward the train station, boarding after purchasing their tickets from the ticketmaster. The conductor/stationmaster urged them aboard and then shouted "All aboard" as they entered and used their tickets to gain entrance into the train car.
A few minutes later, the train headed out of Balamb for its first stop: Timber.
Selphie giggled. "It doesn't matter how many times I ride the train; I love it."
Sally kept sending Janine sidelong glances. Janine leaned back in the seat and crossed her arms as she stared down at the carpet at her feet.
"So." Selphie sat down beside her. "What's the matter?"
Sally watched Janine in silence.
Oh I don't know. Seifer Almasy is a mass-SeeD-murderer? "Leave it."
Selphie and Sally exchanged glances. "Janine," Sally began hesitantly. Janine clenched her jaw. "Zell said you--"
Janine turned on her, making Sally lean back. "Said I was mad as hell?" she asked in a barely controlled tone. "Said I wanted to thump his ass? Said I looked like shit? What, Jennif--" Janine paled and looked away, covering her face with a hand. "Leave it," she hissed.
"Wow. You're right. Sally is like Jennifer," Selphie said after a moment's pause.
"Who's... Who's Jennifer?"
Selphie rested a hand on Janine's back, who cringed but didn't move away. "Jennifer was a friend of ours at Trabia. She was a sweetie. Kind of shy, too." Selphie looked down at Janine. She still covered her face with a hand. "Is that what's wrong, Janine? You're still blaming yourse--"
"Hell no!" Janine flared, lowering her hand. Her brown eyes flashed. "I don't have to blame myself anymore! You want to know why? Because the bastard told me he did it!"
Selphie's expression showed disbelief. "He... He told you?"
Janine turned on Sally, recognizing the scared expression but not allowing a reaction. "You want to know who told me who blew our Garden to hell? Seifer! You want to know who did it? Seifer! He gave the goddamned order to blow my friend to hell!" Janine turned on Selphie, finger pointing hard in her chest. "And you knew! You knew and didn't tell me, you little bitch!"
Janine made a move to punch Selphie in the face, but she blocked the hit and the one that directly followed.
"Janine!" Sally cried. She leaned forward and quickly wrapped her arms around the woman, holding her arms at her sides. "Stop!"
Janine swore as she struggled against the arms around her and the hands holding her wrists. Her brown eyes flashed as she held Selphie's gaze.
"Why haven't you done anything about it, Selphie!" Janine raged. "The bastard's sitting practically untouchable, and no one gives a damn that he murdered SeeDs with one order!" Janine pulled against Sally's hold, but the girl wouldn't budge. Janine's throat tightened, and she choked on a curse. "He murdered Jennifer, and Timothy, and Andrew... and Coby and Andrea... and Debra..."
Janine stopped fighting against the hold as the sobs racked her body, tears burning down her cheeks. Sally slowly adjusted her hold, instead wrapping her arms around the woman in a tight embrace. Janine raised her hands to cover her face, still listing names of those SeeDs and friends that would never again see the Trabia snowfields.
Selphie watched the woman with a sad expression. "I know, Janine. I watched the missiles go."
Anger flashed and Janine lowered her hands. "Why in the hell didn't you do something?" She gestured roughly back toward Balamb. "He's sitting his ass there at Balamb and no one gives a shit that--"
"You don't know the whole story, Janine," Selphie interrupted.
"He gave the order! What the hell else do I need to know!"
Selphie stretched her hands out toward her. "Janine, do you really think that Seifer Almasy is the kind of man to murder SeeDs? He's Garden through and through! You know tha--"
"Then why the hell did he give the order? Huh? Why the hell did he launch those missiles at Trabia and Balamb if he's so damned loyal to Garden?"
"He was controlled, Janine," Selphie said passionately. "Remember? You know as well as I do that he was under the control of a Sorceress! I know you know!"
Janine felt as if she'd been slapped. ...Sorceress... "...oh god..."
"During that whole thing he was being controlled and manipulated and forced to do things that Seifer wouldn't do." Selphie pointed in Janine's face. "That's why we don't talk about it. Because we know that he beats himself about it every day. Every time he looks in a SeeDs face he knows he might have killed them. He knows that one day he might find out that they lost a sister or a brother or a close friend to something that he ordered to happen."
Janine covered her face with her hands. "...damn it..."
"Do you know what that's like, Janine? To live with that every day? To remember giving the order that annihilated an entire Garden. To hear yourself giving the order to kill fellow SeeDs and not be able to do anything to stop it?" Selphie released a deep sigh. "I don't know why he told you. He doesn't talk about it; to anyone. Especially not if he knows they're from Trabia."
Janine took in a ragged breath. It had been a secret Seifer hadn't needed to confess, and now she needed to find out why he had.
Seifer glared at the deep and fresh indentation patterns in the rich soil and grass of the Training Center as he again submerged Hyperion within it. Then he lifted the gunblade to wipe the dirt and grass stains free of the blade before beginning the cycle again. His glare deepened.
Seifer didn't understand the confession. He didn't talk about that secret. It countermanded everything he had ever stood for. Everything that he had ever believed in.
Seifer cursed and submerged the blade deep into the soil. No. He didn't revisit that past. That command. The weakness that had allowed his anger and rage to be manipulated and used... Seifer rested both hands on the pommel and pressed his forehead against them. Her friend's death. Her wound. Her deafness... When he'd seen her file, he knew what he had to do.
Janine deserved the revenge. Deserved the release from the hate.
Seifer rose to his feet, pulling Hyperion from the ground to stare down at the blade. The final battle was coming for them. A battle she needed to fight. A battle he couldn't win. Janine deserved her revenge. And what else could a man like him give her? He had taken everything else.
Seifer heard the crisp ringing of blade leaving scabbard and tensed, his grip momentarily tightening on Hyperion's haft. Then he slowly turned. Janine in black jeans and another white tank-tee. Gunblade drawn. Expression guarded as dark brown eyes examined the etched design on her weapon.
She opened the cylinder and checked the rounds within before clicking it back into place, motions deliberate. Then Janine's gaze zeroed in on his. "This's been a long time comin'," she said in a low tone. She began forward; steps slow.
Seifer kept his weapon lowered, even though his instincts raged against it. A battle he had to wage; one he couldn't win. Janine deserved her release from the hate-- Janine halted, fist on hip as gunblade whipped up to touch the skin of his throat. Seifer didn't move, and Janine's expression didn't change.
"So you gave the order."
Janine began stepping around him; gunblade still lightly touching his skin, and then scratching across the back of his head and around... She halted in front of him yet again, tip still barely touching.
"I've waited for this day a long time. Waited for you."
Seifer adjusted his hold on the haft as he clenched his jaw. He continued to hold Janine's gaze, knowing that nothing he said would be enough. Vengeance was never found in words.
Janine slowly withdrew her gunblade from his throat, but kept it aimed toward him. "Let's dance."
Janine attempted a single, quick strike. Seifer blocked, but the strength wasn't there and the blade bit into his upper arm. Janine frowned and struck out again. He blocked, just, and again felt the bite of metal.
Janine cursed and lowered her blade to stride toward him, toe-to-toe, angry breath tickling the skin of his face.
"You know I can take your ass," she snarled. Then Janine pushed him roughly back a step. "That's why you told me, isn't it?" She stepped up and pushed him again. "Huh? So I could beat your ass and finally get my revenge!" She stepped up yet again and jabbed a finger hard into his chest. "So don't you do me any favors," she hissed. "You put up a fight!"
Seifer only stared down into her sparkling brown eyes. Remembering the thrills that would never come again. The damned awesome nights and mornings. The rush of skin against skin working together... Seifer clenched his jaw. Dammit...
Janine held his gaze for a long moment more before taking a few steps back and again presenting her gunblade. "You want to give me a taste of vengeance, soldier? Then you bring it!"
And she came forward again; as in the corridor within Garden but different. Tenacious. Angry. Slashing and beating at his defenses with that recognizable rage that he himself had used against Squall so many times before; while under the manipulation and control of a Sorceress that had played on his weakness. But Seifer didn't attack. He wouldn't. He fought against his instinct and only defended and blocked, parried and stepped aside; let her vent the rage with every stroke against his blade. Let her slash against him to satiate her thirst for revenge.
It was what he could do. The only thing she would ever accept from him now.
Janine slammed him against a tree and pressed the cold metal of their crossed blades against his throat. "Fight back, you bastard," she huffed in his face; cheeks flushed, perspiration glistening, and brown eyes sparkling. "If you want to give me my revenge, then you fight!"
She pushed back and slashed again. Seifer ducked and heard the splintering of the blade submerging deep into the tree as he stepped aside. Janine shot off a round, blasting the blade free of the trunk and immediately turning on him. He met her blade for blade, but continued to take and absorb each rage-filled stroke. She yelled at him and cursed, raging at him to fight back, but he continued to defend and block. Even as his instincts demanded retaliation. Even as his arms began to ache and groan with each powerful blow.
He wouldn't. He had murdered her friend. He had taken everything away from her--
Janine struck a hard blow, submerging Hyperion into the ground and then kicking him hard in the chest. He fell backward, momentarily dazed by a blow to the back of his head. When his vision cleared, Janine stood over him with Hyperion aimed at his throat and her brown gaze guarded. Seifer didn't blink or swallow, he only held her gaze as he waited for the battle against the voices to finally end.
Janine submerged her blade deep into the ground, her gaze never drifting from his. "Do you have any idea how long I've hated the man responsible?"
As long as I have.
Janine nicked the skin of his throat under his chin, but he didn't lift it away. "Do you have any idea how long I've waited to kill him with my bare hands?"
Janine moved Hyperion away from his throat, submerging it into the soil next to her own gunblade. Then she lowered herself to sit on his abdomen, knees bent and on either side of him as she leaned in and circled her hands around his throat. Her breath lightly fanning his face. Her warmth... Her musk...
Seifer held her gaze. "Do it," he whispered gruffly.
"'Do it'?" she queried as her hands ever-so-slightly tightened around his throat. Janine slightly lowered her face toward his. "Kill that man? Kill the bastard that took everything?"
He lifted his head enough to press tighter against her thumbs. Air pinched off. "Yes," he hissed. He had never wanted to be that man.
Janine pushed his head back against the ground and covered his mouth with hers as hands moved from neck to hair, coaxing a reaction as her warmth and softness adjusted itself against him. Seifer groaned against her lips, surrounding her with his arms as he turned her to her back.
"...Janine," he whispered against her mouth.
"Shut up and die..." Janine pressed her mouth hard against his and then pulled slightly back. "Die soldier." And again. "Give me my Seifer."
Janine pushed him onto his back, mouth still moving with his as hands reminded him of her and her of him... Then Janine pulled her mouth slowly away, breath quick and heavy against his face as her warmth burned him with memories and regrets and damned awesome thrills.
Seifer opened his eyes at the gentle caress of a single finger down his scar. Her brown eyes glimmered and laughed at the same time, darkened to black with something he hadn't ever seen for him. Pain.
"Seifer, damn it," she said in a tight voice. "Why in the hell did you do this? Telling me one twisted fact instead of the whole story..."
Her voice choked and she covered her eyes with one hand, elbow resting against him as he just stared up at her. Her chest began to do the recognizable quick shudder of restrained tears, and guilt grabbed him by the balls.
Janine quickly lowered her hand, and her eyes flashed. "Dammit, Seifer! How in the hell were you going to give me revenge? By letting me kill the only man who's given a damn?" She grabbed him by the shirt front and gave him a shake. "Letting me kill you wouldn't have proved a damned thing!" Janine choked back another sob. "Garden needs her knight, Seifer," she struggled out. "Hell! I need my knight, damn it!"
Shock punched him in the face hard, and he was left silent as he stared up at her.
Then Janine pulled him tight against her as her body quivered against him with the tears that she wouldn't let completely out, her tears wetting his neck as her lips teased his skin and his senses. Seifer could only stare up at the sky as he held her, his dazed mind only able to vocalize ...the hell?
"You didn't have to give me that secret," she choked in his ear. "It was too much. Too much..." She kissed his neck and his throat. "Damn it, Seifer... Now I owe you... I owe you a secret..." She choked back a sob, her fingers caressing his face and then holding it so tight, pushing slightly away to caress her lips down his scar. "I...love you... damn it, Seifer..."
His brain seemed to explode with the words and his mouth met hers, drinking in those words that he hadn't ever had. The secret no one had ever wanted to confess.